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The GOSPEL of Christmas Cookies

Joyce Payne, one of the holiest ladies I know, came up to me at church and gave me some rules regarding Christmas Cookies. I have to believe her because she only speaks truth but also because I want to believe every word of this. When people ask me how they can make this cookie healthier, I tell them, "eat half of it." I like these rules better.

1. If you eat a Christmas cookie fresh out of the oven, it has no calories because everyone knows that the first cookie is the test cookie and thus; calorie-free.

2. If you drink a diet soda with your second cookie it also has no calories because the diet soda cancels out the cookie calories. (Who said you never used algebra?!)

3. If a friend comes over while you're making Christmas cookies and needs to sample, you must join your friend because making her eat alone is just rude.

4. Any cookie calories consumed while walking around will fall to your feet and eventually fall off as you move. This is due to gravity and the density of the caloric mass.

5. Any calories consumed during the frosting of the Christmas cookies will be used up because it takes many more calories to lick excess frosting from a knife without cutting your tongue.

6. Cookies colored red or green have very few calories. Red ones have three and green ones have five; one calorie for each letter. Make more red ones!

7. Cookies eaten while watching "Miracle on 34th Street" have no calories because they are part of the entertainment package and are not part of one's personal fuel.

8. As always, cookie pieces contain the fewest calories because breaking cookies causes calorie leakage.

9. Any cookies consumed from someone else's plate have no calories since the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to her plate. We all know how calories like to CLING!

10. Any calories consumed while feeling stressed have no calories because cookies used for medicinal purposes NEVER have calories. It's a rule.

So go out and enjoy those Christmas cookies! We only get Christmas cookies this time of year!


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